Monday, December 10, 2012

The Ghosts of Christmas Presents

I mailed off my Christmas presents to family back home today, or at least I tried to. I spent a good 45 minutes searching the US Customs and the FDA websites as well as FedEx and the USPS to make sure I knew how to fill out the forms correctly, and that I could ship the silly and/or representative snacks I found to give people a taste of France. As far as I could tell from all postal and governmental regulations, the snacks I'd selected would ship just fine, except for the moose and reindeer jerky I'd brought back from the Oslo airport. Unfortunately, when I got to the post office the official there told me that it's forbidden to ship any food items at all into the USA from France, so I had to haul it all back out of the wrapped packages before sealing up the boxes. If the wrapping paper is a little torn, guys, it's either because you were supposed to get potato chips or because the customs agents took a closer look. Anyway, here are your virtual Christmas goodies, clockwise from top left:

Morgan was to get the potato chips in the unusual flavors of grilled beef tenderloin, spaghetti, gyros, and roast chicken with herbs. Leah's gift included corn puffs flavored with cheese and bacon. Fortunately I'd gotten some other little things for both of them, so they won't just get an empty clump of wrapping paper. In thanks for their hospitality this summer, I picked out some nice cheesy biscuits and a bag of traditional nougat candy for Aunt Kathy and Uncle Bob, but regret to say that this was going to be my only gift to them, so they're not even going to get an empty box. And for John, there were these two nice boxes ... OH SHIT I FORGOT TO TAKE THE COOKIES OUT OF THE PACKAGE! Well, I hope the customs officials don't descend on Carpenterville, dogs baying and helicopters overhead, if these happen to make it past the border check. Or that Mom and John aren't held up on their way out of the country in May. "Say, aren't you the two who received the illegal shipment of French chocolate wafer cookies? If you would just step over here for a minute, folks ..."

Merry bureaucratic Christmas to all!


  1. Mmm, savour fromage....

    Hey, it IS about cheese!!!

  2. I think there will always be the cheese component, no matter what twists and turns my career takes. I am under the protection of the Patron Saint of Cheese, after all.