Friday, April 17, 2015

They Say It's Spring

It has been beautiful here this week, warm and sunny and full of spring breezes. Or so I hear. I've been inside, and while a few breezes have made their way through the skylight that I'm able to prop open a half inch or so, I haven't gotten much sun. Or much exercise. I keep meaning to take a break from work and go out for a walk, and then I find myself actually on a writing roll and I don't want to stop. This is a good thing, since I still have 21 articles to write just for this first part of the larger project, and I'm going to be really pushing myself just to get those done before the end of the month. But it's a bad thing, because I'm getting really cranky at being inside all the time, and no, I can't go outside because I can't work in the glare, and my computer shuts down within about 30 seconds if it's not plugged in.

Fortunately the days are getting longer, which means I can work for 8 or 9 hours and still have a little bit of light at the end of the day. And the weather forecast is for rain to be moving in over the weekend, so I'll be a little less cranky, maybe. I've been thinking about this process of writing, though, and thinking about whether this should be a full-time thing in the future. When I'm in the groove, when I'm enjoying myself, I don't mind spending all this time at the computer. But it's not so fun when I'm spinning my wheels doing research on a topic I'm not very interested in, and then trying to figure out how to turn a paragraph's worth of information into a 2,000-word article. At least not when I'm being paid so little for it.

But ... it gives me a certain amount of freedom, and it's usually not boring, and I get to do it here in Serbia. So there's that. And I suppose if I were sitting in an office in Portland and looking longingly out at the blossoming trees on the waterfront, I'd still be cranky, though at least I'd get a lunch break. I should take lunch breaks now, except every time I get hungry it's in the middle of one of those spurts of verbose creativity, and I just dash out to the grilled meat stand and run back and eat while I type. Type type type type type.

Now my computer has started to flicker and to take way too long to boot up and to do other things of the sort that make me think that perhaps it is not long for this world, and that would really put a crimp in my blogging style, not to mention all the rest of it. I do have the CD for the one non-downloadable program I rely on, and I back up all my files every day, but the French computer has a French keyboard and I type much more slowly on it - although the more I use it, the more my fingers are adapting, and find that when I come back to this QWERTY layout I stqrt ;qking odd typos. At least I have the backup computer. It's been a bit of a pain to drag all over the continent, but if I need it, it's there.

I suppose what I'm saying is that I am feeling a bit insecure right now, not sure if my money will last as long as I need it to, not sure if my computer and camera will last as long as I need them, not sure what's going to happen when I get back to Oregon and still need money and computer and camera and a job, oh god I need a job. And health insurance. And a place to live. I've been able to push that impending reality to the back of my mind for a long, long time, as I've bipped around Europe living on the fringes of what most people consider to be a normal life, but I've really liked my normal, most of the time, and I haven't wanted to think about going back to being normal normal, if you know what I mean, but if you know me, you're probably also saying, "yeah, that's not going to happen anyway, so chill out about it." And you're right. I need to take a deep breath, and shut off this poor overheating computer, and rest my poor overheating brain, and go out into the late-afternoon sunshine, and stop worrying.

So I will. Bisous, ciao.

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